The Melancholy of Cecilie
by Cearbhail
Summary: The story of Cecilie's death and rebirth, and the shortened version of her history for those who don't wish to read the incomplete Chronicles of Cecilie.
1. Her Past

**Cearbhail:**

 _This is the new and improved Melancholy of Cecilie. When I was originally lengthening the original, I decided to call it the Chronicles of Cecilie... and as it turns out, I kind of miss having it around. Mostly as reference. So... I'm officially fixing it up and putting back up as the way it was originally (only improved). I will still write the Chronicles of Cecilie as the longer, funner version, but let this ring out at the true story of how Cecilie dies... not how she lived.  
_

 _Oh...and enjoy =^.^=_

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[Cecilie, age 18] 4e 224, 19th Sun's Dusk

 _Dear journal,_

 _Cecilie, I'm sorry. I tried my best to bring you into a happier world. You were born only a few days ago, but I'm so weak and I know I won't live for long. I fear that this is the last time I'll write in my journal before the end. You deserve so much, but as usual, fate has decided otherwise. I don't really know what went wrong, or how I could have made it right. I thought we were doing the right thing to save the world. Between the increasing Thalmor threat, the peace summit, and the threat of Alduin destroying our world, we didn't have much choice. And we paid the ultimate price. I am dying, and I'm afraid you won't know real love from your father. He hasn't been the same since he returned from Sovngarde._

 _If I could have joined Asger in that final battle, I knew I could have made a difference. Since only Asger can go through the portal to Sovngarde, I could not follow him. He alone was the only one that could fight that blasted dragon. And he won, but he also lost at the same time. When Asger came back from Sovngarde, he had changed. He wasn't the same. Like he lost his will to live. He didn't react to anyone the same way. He used to smile, used to create dramatic tension for the fun of it. He was a bard. He made things lively. But now… we're all just things now, things that talked and needed responded to when we asked him questions. I'm sorry that he's the only family you have. He is your father, whether or not you share his last name. You are a Battle-Born, never forget that. You are from an honorable family. At least you'll have Grandpa Solomon to watch over you. You'll love him. He's strong in magicka._

 _You won't be growing up in peace though. When you read this, draw as much strength as you can from it. Even now, the Thalmor are responding to the crowning of a new High King. Even before Asger was crowned High King, they were always messing with us. It started with M'aiq's death back in Riften. They ambushed us when we tried to find Esbern. Asger declared full war on them for everything they did. I think something snapped inside him when he saw his best friend die in front of him. I never knew M'aiq that well but I knew he had a daughter. I promised him I'd find her with his final breath. I only had her name…Nisha. I never did find her. One of my many regrets. Cecilie…_

 _…_

I closed the journal, my eyes feeling heavy. 18 years ago, my mother wrote her last journal entry. I was only a week old when she passed away. Growing up, I always wondered what she looked like. Ruby had always told me that I had her hair, face, and eyes, but I had my father's smile and spirit (back before he became a husk). That was nice of her to tell me these things, but I still wanted her here…with me. My father paid little to no attention to me, and Ruby was the only person who actually took good care of me. My mother named her my housecarl right before she passed away. But Ruby ended up killing herself before my 11th birthday. It was some kind of self-sacrifice thing to push me over the edge. You see… I challenged my father to a bardic contest… and if I was going to win, I needed the secret strength to make my soul nearly invincible… loss. Ruby learned of it when her best friend in the whole world… Ashana died… and it later developed into her secret power when Veselle died. And when Maleek died… Ruby basically became a goddess. But she wasn't living at that point. Every day was a battle for her… and a battle for me. When the day came for me to challenge my father, Ruby told me the secret to her bardic invincibility… she knew she could beat Dad… but it wasn't her destiny to do so… it was mine. She killed herself, and with her final words, told me what I would need to do to beat him. _Remember her_ … and that's what I did. I beat my dad that day; I earned his respect. And Ruby was dead. And so was my dad; he died restoring his soul. It was too much for him to take, and the battle I shared with him was his dying wish. He thanked me for restoring him… and apologized for the years he wasted ignoring me. He wanted to know me… wanted to hold me, but there was something inside him that rejected me. He died in my arms…

I was alone again. In the same day, I lost Ruby… and my dad. Ever since that dreadful day, Brelyna has taken care of me, as well as Ruby's only daughter; Ranjha. Master Neloth was also there for me, as well as the rest of the Crimson Blades guild. Ranjha and I were officially orphans in the worst way. With Brelyna as our mother, we had a loving support system… and I guess I couldn't have asked for more… but our suffering had only just begun. But, I shouldn't start halfway through the story, I still need to say how it started. You see…

I was born during a very troubling period. Skyrim was full of dragons, but not just any dragons… but the dragon 'god' Alduin was doing all he could to devour our world. My father was the Dragonborn, destined to save the world from Alduin. And during his quest, he met my mother, Lydia Battle-Born. She was his Housecarl, a bodyguard of sorts. They had a rocky start, but they slowly started to fall in love. And by the end of it all, they conceived me on the eve of my father's final battle. He took to the heavens to fight Alduin… and in the process, he lost a bit of his soul during the fight. Alduin took a bite out of his emotional aura, destroying his ability to feel emotions. In the confusion, Daddy was able to destroy Alduin, but not recover his missing piece of soul. When he returned to Nirn… that soul didn't come back with him. He had become a Husk… which was almost unheard of outside of Argonians and Ashlander witches.

Mom got sick during her pregnancy with me. Heartbroken over Dad losing his emotional self caused her to become ill. She couldn't survive giving birth to me. She fought for six days before her illness took over her. I was only six days old when my mother died. I was placed in the care of my father… which as you can guess… he didn't want me. Normally, I would have given up to Ruby or someone else, but… as the only surviving child of the current High King… I was kind of important.

My father wasn't exactly a fun guy. No, I take that back, no hesitation needed. He was NEVER a fun guy. He took his job as High King seriously, but he neglected me. He seemed to see me, but at the same time, it was like I wasn't there. He attended the normal functions: going to sleep, waking up, eating. Growing up as a child with him around wasn't easy. I always wanted him to play with me, to talk to me, to do something with me. If I ever tried to talk to him, he wouldn't answer (and if he did, it was vague and disinteresting). If he did take notice to me, he would scorn me for killing my mother. He blamed me for her death, because giving birth to me somehow made her sick and then she passed away. If I ever tried to play with him, he would push me away. One time I jumped up to give him a hug. He grabbed onto me and passed me off to Ruby telling her, "Keep her busy." If it hadn't been for Ruby and her daughter Ranjha watching over me all the time, keeping me entertained, I think I might have become depressed or something. Well, more depressed. Child neglect is pretty bad and I tried on numerous occasions to run away. Ruby or Maleek would always find me, though. Well, at least until I was 8, then it would just be Ruby finding me.

I was a curious girl growing up. Not just the whole 'Ooh, a knife, I wonder what happens if I poke my eye with it' curious, the more dangerous kind of dangerous. 'Playing with magics that no one understood' dangerous. Up until my sixth birthday, Ruby kept a close eye on me, keeping me within Winterhold at all times. I had no idea why I was watched over so carefully. I thought it was because all dad had… or something like that. I kept hearing talk of the Thalmor but I was far too young to understand it. Or how it would change my life. I didn't understand war… I didn't understand the role of the High King or just how powerful my father truly was.

A few months past my sixth birthday, my life changed forever. One morning when Ruby wasn't around to watch me, I did something stupid. I snuck into my father's chambers and stole something important to him. Behind a beautiful case I saw a shiny sparkling scroll with dragons on the sides of the handles. I was getting used to reading magic tomes that Ruby shared with me, and I could feel magics I've never felt before vibrating off of the scroll. I had to read it. So, naturally, I grabbed my father's scroll and ran up to my bedroom to read it (being really sneaking about it). I thought… I thought if I stole it, he would come find me. I thought I could use it to squeeze one little game out of him, just… three minutes of social recognition from him. That's all I wanted!

So, up in my room, I was left unattended, unwatched, with a unique scroll that was important to my father. When I opened it, I was welcomed with a sudden flash of knowledge and foresight…and hindsight. Images flashed through my mind, years and years of everything you could possibly think about became coherent in my mind. But, it took my actual sight away. It was sudden too. Once the images faded from my mind, it was replaced with knowledge of things that six year olds couldn't/shouldn't know, but it took my sight away that very second. It was like an instant maturity pill. I suddenly knew why father was the way he was. All that disappointment in him, subtle anger, was replaced with pity and mild respect. He sacrificed his soul to kill Alduin. He did it because he loved us, because he wanted to protect us. The husk that existed now was a version of my father without a true soul. All logic and no emotion, no love. It was sad. I wish I could apologize to him but knowing what I knew, it wouldn't have done me any good anyway. It would be received on dead ears (almost literally).

My blindness was not easy to adjust to. I had to stumble around blind for a couple days with Brelyna leading me around. My father didn't even notice my sudden white eyes. He didn't ask, and he didn't care. He only ever talked to me, acknowledged my presence, when I asked him a question. When he replied, it was dry, emotionless, or filled with very real anger. One day I was fed up with his attitude and I challenged him to a bardic contest. The terms were: If I won, he'd play with me and treat me as his daughter. If I lost, I would leave him alone forever. I lost. But he smiled and told me to try again later. There was something in that smile. A hope.

I read about what my father was like during the Dragon Crisis. He was the most enjoyable person alive. So, what happened to turn him into the husk that he had become? Witnessing small instances of knowledge about how the world and fate had played themselves in my family's past as recurring dreams wasn't enough though. I wanted the see and witness it for myself. I wanted to experience the way my father used to be. I heard he was one of the craziest people around. Ruby wouldn't stop talking about the adventures she shared with him, or my mother. I loved hearing about their crazy adventures. I would sit on Ruby's lap and try to picture my mother and father as they did their crazy day-to-day life. It was the only heaven I had. When Ruby was gone, I didn't really have anyone like that anymore. Brelyna tried, and Ranjha was a great friend, but I think spending my time training was more than enough for me.

When I first read the Elder Scroll… I spent the first few days in bed… incapable of seeing. I was blind as a bat. Brelyna and Maleek had to walk me around, take me to the bathroom, wipe my butt… feed me… every embarrassing thing you could think of… I had to endure it. But… on that third or fourth day of being blind things started to happen. It was subtle, but it was there. Small flashes of instances where stubbing my toe would have been too easy was avoided, or smashing my nose on an open cupboard door. My hand would snatch out after my mind told me something was there and I would duck under or over or even across something in my way. It was like I could see. I could 'feel' the things around me. It was weird, but I did not think anything of it. I thought I was just finally adjusting to being blind. Finding the bathroom on my own was a victory by itself. Wiping my butt was another one. A week later, when I woke up, the world appeared around me at all angles. It was a sudden shift. I could see everything. As I turned my head, the images shifted in a circle. A full circle of stuff I could see. Not limited to just the front like everyone is with eyes. I could see _EVERYTHING_. I knew what was in front of me, what was behind me, what was up, and what was down. At the same time, I could see my body, the inside of it, the outside. It appeared in real colors, underlying invisible colors (auras, energy), and an astral blue for everything hidden in the dark.

I couldn't handle it at first. It was very disorienting. I could not handle seeing behind me, let alone above and below me as well. I stumbled so much, carefully putting my feet down because I could barely tell where they touched on the ground. Then, it started affecting my brain. I got headaches from processing too much information. Then there was the fact that closing my eyes didn't get rid of the images. Closing my eyes just turned everything astral blue. I lost sleep over it. You close your eyes to sleep, to rest your eyes, to rest your mind from seeing things all the time. I didn't get to do that anymore. I didn't sleep. After four days of this insanity, I thought I was going crazy. Maleek did everything he could but he was only an Argonian assassin. When Ruby finally returned from her quest, she was very angry with me for going through my father's stuff and playing with magic I knew I wasn't ready for. That didn't stop her from doing what she did best…fix my mistakes. She did everything she could to help me get rid of the headaches and the weird vision. What she ended up with was a special circlet. It subdued the headaches and allowed some of the images to vanish. Now my new vision was only excluded to when my eyes were opened and what was directly in front of me. Like normal eyes. Yeah, it was like I could see normally. I could finally sleep again.

A couple weeks later, the new 'sight' developed. I could control it, even with the circlet on. I could see behind me like my eyes were back there. I played with it, even to where I kept it up all day. I got used to it enough that it didn't give me headaches anymore. I actually enjoyed it. Seeing through floors and watching my father sit on the throne from my bed was oddly exciting. Imagine all the sneaking I could do, all the running away I could do, if I knew where everyone was. No one would ever see me, if I knew where they were. But, when I got used to that new sight… things started getting complicated again. Flashes of emotions, energies, bodies, started surfacing in my mind; things that hadn't happened yet. The first time it happened, I could hear noises outside my door. It was month after I challenged my father to my first bardic challenge. It took me a month to recover from the soulic onslaught my father beat on me. By the time I sat up to see what was causing the noise outside my door, my door had already exploded, shrapnel raining down on me as I tried sitting up in my bed. A giant chunk of wood slammed me in the forehead, several other smaller chunks impaling me everywhere else. I watched from the ceiling as my body died. And with a scream I woke up. I heard that noise again so I dived out of my bed. The door exploded and I just barely escaped dying in a horrible fashion.

That was the day the Thalmor invaded Winterhold to get to me. They wanted to use me against my father. They somehow thought that using me as leverage against Dad would somehow get them what they wanted: his head on a platter. I don't think they understood how much he really hated me at the time. Veselle protected me and took me to Tel Mithryn where I started my magicka studies while Skyrim fought the Dominion back. I decided at that time that I would begin training as a bard so that I could beat my father in a bardic contest. I wanted to have him behave like a dad should. I wanted to be able to call myself his daughter without being scorned. So, I trained with Master Neloth in magicka, while Ruby got me started on my bardic training nine months later. We moved to Whiterun, into my mother's old house. I was welcomed by the Battle-Born clan… her family. My family. I had a home.

I started my training immediately. I needed to unlock my Dragonborn blood, so Ruby found a dragon attacking a nearby Khajiit town called Lunar Pass. The dragon Kruziikonikaanqolaas was rallying up an army to take on Skyrim's rule. They wanted to be free to destroy. It was too bad for them that Ruby was there to stop them. And I ate my first dragon soul: Kruziikonikaanqolaas. My training started getting pretty serious from that day forward, adding the Companions' sword fighting to the mix. But, I wasn't very good at sword fighting. One day during a sparring match with my best friend Vignar… he hit me really hard in the face. He hit me so hard, I traveled back in time. Yeah… I woke up in the past. In my mom's old bedroom. I thought I was taken back home and Ruby was watching over me… but it wasn't Ruby watching over me… it was Mom. Only… she wasn't my mom… she was a teenager, just a few years older than me. And… everyone believed I was her sister… and I decided to go with it. I was officially my mother's sister… one that never existed.

I spent a good few weeks with her, training with the Companions and her. I learned a lot about sword fighting from her and… when it came time to go home… I didn't have a choice. There was a mistake I made though. I learned while I was back in time that I was traveling through a dream traveling spell of some sort. I didn't really understand it… but I was dreaming and making a separate reality for myself and Mom. It was real… only I wasn't. Well, one day I used a real bow… with a real arrow… and when I fired it… I forced myself to _become_ real in this alternate reality. And because of it… there was a nasty storm… Mother was hit… and she awoke with magicka, something she never had before. And… I forced myself upon all realities for that one event… for that one event, one I've read again and again in my mom's real journal… I existed as her sister. Her lost sister… the one she met and lost forever. Her greatest loss.

While I was in the past for the three weeks I was there… I was in a coma in Whiterun with Ruby and Veselle watching over me. And that's when the Dominion found out where I was. They faked a mission to draw out my defenders… and that's when Veselle died. She died going on a mission to find some necromancer. It turned out to be Nrillia, the oldest agent for the Dominion. Veselle tried to use her greatest spirit to fight Nrillia… a spirit named Kyuute. Only… Kyuute betrayed Veselle, and killed her. I woke up four days later.

The next year was my real training. I was a great sword fighter because of my training during my three-week nap; Ruby was doing everything she could to really teach me bardic combat; and Master Neloth was doing everything he could to help me expand my proficiency in magicka. I didn't have a lot of magicka to use, so I had to learn new and creative ways to use what I had to last me longer during a long fight. I was having a great time; I actually felt like I was living a great life. I had lost a lot but I had a great family. And then… things had to get bad again. On the first of Morningstar, 4e 215… the dragons invaded. They wanted revenge for the death of their leader: Kruziikonikaanqolaas. In an army large enough to blot out the sun, they fell upon Whiterun. If it had not been for my death vision an hour before it happened, we would have all died in that town. As it was… we were evacuating to Riverwood. But, I guess fate cannot be so easily avoided. The dragons saw us running for Riverwood and came charging down on us. With Ruby and Maleek's help… everyone got away to safety. But… Maleek didn't survive the fight. It was that day that Ruby really started acting differently. Almost as broken as my dad.

The Dragon Rebellion started that day. For a whole month, dragons raged war in the skies above. Dragons on our side, dragons on Kruz's side, and dragons on their own side: Odahviing's side. Every city was hit on the first of Morningstar… every city felt the burn, and a few days later, the Dominion made its first foothold in Skyrim, in Markarth. After the dragons ravaged the town, the Dominion saw it as their way into Skyrim and they took it. Taking shelter inside the Dwarven city and setting up teleportation runes for their soldiers made it near impossible to drive them out. And with the dragons still raging war in the skies… there was little even my dad could do about the Dominion's presence. For one month… I had to actually fight. And I had a new teacher: Odahviing. He became my official dragon instructor. The dragon rebellion slowly died out as Odahviing's army ripped through Kruz's. And as the rebellion ended, I went back to Whiterun with Odahviing, Ruby, and Neloth to continue my training.

For two years I focused on training with my teachers. By the time I was ten, I had fully mastered being Dragonborn. My Sight had developed immensely. Dream Traveling to alternate pasts was a nightly occurrence now. I couldn't control where and when I went, but I always had an adventure. I met some amazing people, always learning something new. I even got to meet my dad as a child. It was a lot like meeting my mom… only… I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't. I just couldn't say I was his daughter. I was just… a strange girl. There were other dreams I ventured into.

Like when I first glanced upon my father's elder scroll, I started seeing the past. Not my parent's past, _the_ past. Not random dreams of ancient battles and people. It was never random now. I could actually gaze into the past, like I was standing there looking at it happen. I could actually focus on what I wanted to see… and I could actually see it. All I had to do was meditate and focus on what I wanted to see and then it would form in my mind. Then it would consume all my senses and I would feel as if I was there, only separate from the vision. So, with my new gift, I directed my focus to points in time where my favorite journals and stories spoke of legends. One of my favorite tales was about Erandur and the 4th Battlemage Troop. Ruby had often told me about her ancestor Nisha and her brother Vatu. They fought alongside this Altmer, Erandur. They were teenagers that were recruited during the beginning of the Aedra War. Erandur led his team through the thickest of battles, never losing one battle, and gained so much. He was so brave that it made me want to meet him. I wanted to know what type of guy he was. When I read about it, I would look into the past and 'see' him right as he made the calls. There was always something about him that I liked. I just wanted to reach out and…I don't know, talk to him. Ask him questions. I wanted his knowledge. I had a reason to know.

It started when I was 8, just after Maleek died. Along with the ability to gaze into past, some darker things started happening as well. Dreams, nightmares, and other stuff started creeping in. With great magic comes great corruption. Visions of the future dominated my dreams. Visions of the Aldmeri Dominion started creeping into my mind. Visions of them taking over Skyrim, killing the High King…me…and everyone in any royal clan. Everyone who stood up to them was killed. And these dreams started when I was eight. Every night the same dreams. The Altmer with dark robes and sharp teeth would bite me, rip my throat out, and then laugh over my disposing corpse. The pain, the numbness, the feeling of there being a hole in my throat…it was real to me. Every night…every night for two years straight. These visions were so dark that I woke up vomiting from fear. Sometimes I woke up believing I was dead. Ruby did everything she could to help but it didn't help. My nightmares were more than just some dream to be forgotten… it was a calling, a fate I couldn't deny.

So, as you can guess, looking into the past for strong leaders who faced fear on a daily basis inspired me. By the time I learned how to look into the past, I was already looking for inspiration to keep me strong. Erandur was a great source of inspiration for me. He survived the darkest of days and made sure all his closest friends survived too. If he were my friend…he'd protect me as well. I would be safe. No vampire would be able to get to me. Master Neloth was a strong mage, but I had a dream that he would be too busy in Morrowind to help me in my time of need. I think it was a diversion. I don't really know. My vision of that battle was blurry to me.

There was something good though. I was too afraid to look into the future, too afraid to actually see myself die… to see the moments that would lead to my final demise… the moment that would lead to my greatest nightmare, the shadow I'd always run from. I knew that nothing good waited for me in the future, so I refused to look for it. I tried to close myself out. But one night I saw something. It was small, but there was a light. A bright light but…it so far into that future that it didn't keep me safe from dying. But it was there. It was caused by a Shoutman by the name of Bloodstain. When I died, the world became a shadow. A shadow owned by vampires. But…this Bloodstain. I don't know. He brought the light back. I could see it. It gave me hope. If only he existed in my time, he would help give me hope too. Help keep me feeling protected and safe. He did what no one could do. He stood against the fallen darkness, pushing it away, reclaiming Skyrim. Later reclaiming the whole world. He kept it safe his whole life. I needed him as badly as I needed Erandur. It was too bad that their time had already come and gone, and did not occur yet. I was on my own. Me and what was left of my family. I continued to train to beat my dad in a match. If I won him back, he'd protect me. And we'd stand a chance against the Dominion.

Dreams of me being killed continued to fill my mind every night while I slept. Every night I'd wake up screaming, grabbing my sheets. My new best friend, Ranjha, started sleeping in my room. She was three years younger than me but she was one of the closest friends I had. Ruby actually moved her into my room to keep me calm at night. And it helped, but only after I woke up. But then, the dream changed. Now, I saw the mental image of a vampiric Altmer ripping my throat out, but only after he killed my new friend first. Ranjha bravely stood in front of me, holding a crystal dagger. Then there's some sickening sound and she…just falls down. I look down and there's this steaming hole in the middle of her forehead. All I saw was some hand-cannon in the Altmer's hand. It was only after she was killed that he comes after me. She was my last hope, my last attempt to live and…she dies right in front of me. Waking up from those dreams with Ranjha shaking me only made me cry and hug her. I screamed at her to forgive me. She always reassured me that she wouldn't let it happen. But…somehow I know…I know she doesn't understand what I do. Those dreams scared me to death for three years. But I resigned myself to finally fight my father. I was nearing my 11th birthday, only a few months away. It was now or never. I wouldn't wait forever. Part of me wanted to wait. I knew that if I failed, my life would never get better.

So I did it. I told Ruby I was going to fight my dad. And… that's when she started crying. She bent down, grabbed me by my arms… and finally shared with me her secret… of how she'd become so powerful. She told me I would understand when it mattered most… but she said that I wasn't ready yet, that… this was my final test. She wouldn't tell me what it was, but it had to wait until we were back home in Winterhold. The ride back was quiet; Ruby spent the whole ride back petting Ranjha's head, silently giving her attention in the world. When we got back to Adularia Hall, the guildhall for the Crimson Blades, Ruby pulled me into her room. She said this was my final test. She said I would understand. She pulled off her crystal armband, placed it on her altar… grabbed a ceremonial dagger… and then shoved it into the wall… and started pounding her head against it. I watched as Ruby slammed her head repetitively against the wall… blood splashing everywhere. I think something in me snapped when I saw that happen. My surrogate mother just killed herself in front of me. Her final whispers were telling me… I was ready.

Furious, broken, confused… I marched to the throne room, still covered in Ruby's blood. I walked into Dad's throne room and challenged him with the same rules as last time. I could barely even think during the whole fight; I could only feel the numbness of seeing Ruby kill herself. We had a long battle, and I thought that I was going to lose for a second. But… then I woke up. I was mad… mad at Ruby for doing that. Furious that she would do that to me! To Ranjha! That pain… that ferocity was what threw me over the edge. My soul screamed out in pain… and it hit Dad with everything I literally had. Every person I lost… everyone that died for me… I couldn't stop myself from throwing their pain at him. And… I won. I won, and my father called me by my name, but I didn't care. I only wanted Ruby. My dad smiled at me, just like he did in all the visions of the past. He smiled and laughed. Then he spat up blood. He grabbed his chest, begged me to forgive him for all that he did to me as I grew up. Asked me to forgive him for all the grief, all the pain, all the negligence. Then… he fell over. He died. He used up the last of his soul to battle me. I restored him to his previous self, but it killed him. I killed my father. And the shadow that surrounded me only grew thicker. Ruby… Mom… Dad… I couldn't handle it.

By the time I was 11, I was so numb that I almost didn't care about anything anymore. I had lost all my hope. The dreams stopped bothering me. They still came, but now it was like 'oh, I died again. Oh look, Brelyna was decapitated. Oh well'. They never really stopped and they only evolved to become more sickening, but I did find the hope I was looking for. Something I could do to change who I was. Something I could do to change our fates. The day when I found out there was a spell that allowed me to teleport through time, I had some degree of hope. A spell that allowed me to travel through time and space. A spell I could use to fix what didn't need to happen. I could bring everyone back to life. I thought about how I could use it, but really, what did you think I thought of doing first? I decided I could use it to see my father and mother before they died. Back when Ruby was still their child and they had crazy adventures. Back when times were fun and enjoyable.

Where did I find this spell? I found it in the elder scroll that I stole from my dad. I was looking for answers, answers that I knew this scroll had. It knew everything and I was already blind. What more could it do to me? While the scroll didn't immediately show me anything, I did receive a vision of the first Psijic monks developing the spell of teleportation. The mechanics behind it, how it worked. Everything. Akatosh had given the spell to the Psijics so that they could protect the multi-dimensions when they were needed. And now, their spell would help me. Help me end these nightmares once and for all. Help me bring Ruby, Mom, and Dad back to life. But even though I knew the spell, I didn't use it. I was afraid of messing it up and getting lost somewhere in time I didn't want to be. It was a very precise spell and I wasn't sure if I could handle it. But, just the thought of me knowing it, knowing that it existed as an option, gave me a smile I lost a few months ago.

Waking up with Ranjha crying in my arms over the loss of her mother led me to the decision using that teleportation spell to leave my timeline for a while. I told her I would fix everything. I had to. I'd save Mom… I'd save Dad… I'd save Ruby. Heck, I'd even save Ruby's parents! I would save everyone that ever suffered! Ruby was dead, Dad, Mom, Veselle… too many friends I grew up with. I didn't care if the spell didn't work; if I just died trying it. I had to leave. I had to try. On my eleventh birthday, I used that spell. And it worked. I traveled back in time. I did something simple to start with. I popped up during the time of the Aedra Wars and helped a skeleton reclaim his body. He was this Khajiit named J'skar and he really needed my help. Just helping him get his skin back made me feel better. But doing that alone made me realize that I could do so…much…more. I started thinking about all the things I could accomplish. All the things I wanted to see and do.

I wanted to see the Aedra War; I wanted to see a lot of stuff. More importantly, though. I wanted what was always clutched in my arms…my mother's journal. I wanted my mother, to sit in her lap, to talk to her, to hear her voice, to feel her warmth. Just thinking about it sent shivers down my spine. And the journal that was clutched to my chest was very important to me. I read it every day. There were things that I wanted to change out of selfish reasons. Saving lives in the past meant that people in my present would still be alive. Saving Ruby's father would give her some emotional support. She wouldn't kill herself if he was alive in our timeline. And Ruby would be back too; she was obviously mentally ill. If I kept Dad from losing his soul to Alduin, he wouldn't become a husk. He'd be with me as he should have been. And Mother might have not died either. It was worth a shot. So, I did what I could. I joined the Legion and met up with Mommy. I thought about just sticking with her without telling her who I was, but after so long, after never being able to touch her, to feel her warmth, I had to tell her. And surprisingly, she took it really well. She was overwhelmed at how I looked like her sister… and then I told her the truth. And that's when it all made sense to her. And just like that, I was able to have her hold me, to wrap me up in her arms. I was so happy.

I had a lot of fun during that year. I followed Mom and Dad around… even running into Ruby. When I first saw her… a scraggly little cave-dweller… I was so mad at her for what she did to me that I refused to acknowledge that I knew her. Because I didn't. I didn't know Ruby as well as I hoped I had. To do that to me at the last minute… just so I could beat my dad. I would have gladly given that up if it meant having her instead. So, I refused to play nicely with her. Whenever I was near her, I pretended that I didn't know her, or cared. I even pulled minor pranks on her just out of spite. But… I saved her father for her, so it wasn't like I was being totally unreasonable.

As I journeyed with my parents, I used my third eye to show me what would happen if I did this or if I did that, but that knowledge was so blurry that I couldn't see what it led to. So I never utilized my teleportation spell to change how major events played out. I just threw out little hints every now and then, and changed all the major stuff that I believe didn't need to happen. Like saving M'aiq's life. Now I had a chance to see how that would later save Ruby's life. I didn't want to screw things up, so I tried my best to keep to myself to as close to the actual timeline as possible. If something changed, I might not be born, or someone I loved might have gotten hurt worse. Playing with time is scary enough, trying to change it without knowing what will happen is scarier. So, instead, I followed my actions as I thought was practically invisible. And I managed to save a life that died in the past, that was good enough for me. And I had my family back. That was all I ever wanted.

But even though messing with the past was dangerous, I had to remind myself that I wanted to change it. Father's spirit died in that portal and my mother died of a broken heart a few months later. Most of our friends died because of stupid things, and I knew that keeping Father alive would keep them alive in the long end. The future was screwed up and it needed to be better. So I stayed with Dad and Mom until I became a liability. The day everyone became Blades, I had to leave. I had to be older to train as a Blade, like 14 or something. And since everyone else was training, I knew I had to become stronger too. I traveled back to my timeline to grow a little older and stronger. After all, I could come back to my time or Mom's any time I wanted to. I just needed to be patient. I would see my mother again.

When I came back to my own time, I was already grabbed by Psijic monks. They grabbed my arms actually in the portal and heaved me through. They punished me for using their magic to 'change' the past, even though I only saved M'aiq's life. Coming back I saw that the things I did had not affected my timeline. M'aiq was still dead, Ruby too. Everyone was still dead. I was crushed. For the next few years, the Psijic monks continued to teach me the ways of their order. Apparently, just knowing how to travel in time was enough reason for them to make me one of them. They continued to shove the thought that changing the future can have dangerous results. It became a bit of a mantra for me. "Changing the past will only lead to more pain for others in the future." The Psijics did more than just push my hopes down the drain. They taught me about everything else that was wrong with me. But, they taught me how to control my powers at least. By my sixteenth birthday, I had become a Psijic monk. That didn't matter to me though. I still couldn't change the future. The dreams of me dying still filled my mind. But now it wasn't just my death I dreamed of. It was everyone's. Everyone that had not died yet, all my friends… they all died. And…I couldn't do anything to change it. It was something I knew I couldn't fix. And that sucked to know.

Want to know something? Today's that day. Today's the day everyone I know dies. The Thalmor have broken through our last defenses and they are going to march up here. I've done everything I can to prepare for this day. And I won't just lie down and die. I will fight to my last breath. I will save my daughter, and somewhere in the future, a smart man will save our planet. But even if that day comes to pass, this day must pass first. That dream I've always feared will come to light. That vampire that I dreamt of was going to end up killing me and darkness will fall on Skyrim for almost 100 years. Bloodstain, I hope you are all I dreamed of, and spoke to. You better take care of my descendant. If not, I'm so going to kick your ass when you die.

* * *

 **Cearbhail:**

 _I would like to thank all of you for staying with me for this long. If my time gets cut short... you will at least know how this part of the story ends.  
_


	2. Her Present

**Cearbhail:**

 _When I first started this story it was so... depressing. It was all about Cecilie who was waiting for death. As time changed, so did her past, her background, her purpose. With everything that's been added, and with how I've changed how the Cecilie character exists... this is the new result. If you read this story in the past, you will notice small differences. The third chapter might have to be completely rewritten. Most of this did.  
_

 _Oh...and enjoy =^.^=_

* * *

"Honey, time to wake up. We need to discuss strategy with the Crimson Blades and the Shoutmen." My husband Vignar whispered through my ear as he started getting dressed.

The world started pulling on me and I found myself sitting up, rubbing my eyes. Today was the day. My dreams had pulled me through a timeline of my history, almost like I was retelling the history of my life to an audience wanting an abridged lesson of my life. Weird, but I guess I could have dreamt about dying again. I'll take the past over today's horrible murder spree any day of the week. I don't know what my dreams were trying to tell me, but I guess my dreams wanted me to know my own past and motivations again. Sixth time this week, twentieth time this month, countless time this year. I'm sick of it, really. I'm almost thankful that today the dreams will end for good. Sure, I could just teleport and leave this timeline altogether. Move to the past and just live out my life until I die of old age, but that wouldn't solve anything. Everyone here will still fight to the death over nothing. It just seems cowardly. No, I will stay and face my fate. And after we're all dead or somehow alive, we will party in either the afterlife or here in the castle.

I looked over to my husband to see his face contorted in an almost forced smile. He really believed that everything would be ok. He thought we'd live through the day without any casualties; we would push back the Dominion and then take our country back. I knew better. I saw this day in so many tough details that I knew exactly how it would play out. Even thinking of new strategies would lead us to more death. So, I evacuated all unessential people. The majority of the town and the Crimson Blades were gone. Just soldiers and warriors that volunteered to stay and fight. Not to mention my specialized fighting unit, the Shoutmen.

Looking up at Vignar, I could not believe that I had fallen in love with him. He was a childhood friend, but after I came home and found out that everything I did in the past was pointless, I pretty much shut down emotionally. I still had friends like Ranjha and Vignar, but that was all I had at this point. I was also in the Crimson Blades, and it was a great family to have, but it didn't replace everyone I've lost. Vignar was always special to me though, even when I wouldn't smile or do anything other than train, he was always still with me. loved me from the start. And I didn't know that, or even how to feel anything like love. It was just a pain that I had to deal with. I'd essentially become what my father was, a husk. That didn't seem to matter to Vignar though. He stuck by me this whole time, understanding what I went through… and he knows what will happen today, but he 'knows' we'll make it through. And for five years, I was with Vignar as a good friend… being nothing but a killjoy, but he would never leave me alone. And at the time… I really didn't know why.

And I remained that way until I turned 16. All that time I had been emotionally blocked until I used my spell to travel back in time to this summer vacation that I heard was wonderful. An island retreat getaway in Alinor. While I was there, I met an Altmer named Fiirnar. He was this teenager that made it his mission to make me smile. He saw that I was down and asked me how I could be so miserable while on vacation. I told him about my past, about how I could travel through time and all that stuff. He listened to my story the whole time and then told me that he would get me to smile by the end of the week. He got me to smile by the end of the day. He was that good. He was my first crush honestly. And talk about forbidden love. Want to know who he was?

He ended up being the son of the Altmer that was going to kill me today. The vampire coming to kill me was Fiirnar Senior, Fiirnar's daddy. Regardless, I had a sort of…fling with this Fiirnar and it taught me how to be open with my feelings. I spent a week learning how to feel laughter again. How to feel love. And Fiirnar taught me all sorts of things I didn't know existed. When our little vacation was over, he kissed me, wishing me luck back in my own timeline. When I returned to my real time, the way Vignar looked at me, acted towards me…I felt like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. It's not like I never had the dream where we were married, kissing, or anything like that. It just never connected that I _could_ feel that way towards anyone else. I thought seeing death everyday shut down my ability to feel. But I guess seeing him in this new light gave me enough reason to attempt it. It was a struggle, but it was worth it. I'm happily married and with a daughter as well. Well, as happy as I can get with death only a few hours away.

The thought of seeing him die later today threatened to pull me down and cry, but I fought that feeling. I needed to appear ready for today. I wasn't going to spend my last day on Nirn crying about how unfair my life was. I've seen the fates of others. Just for the hell of it, I looked at other people's pasts as well. I hated seeing my own death, so I looked for happier times. I found plenty who've lived full and exciting lives. I've also seen people who've made my fate seem small and easy. A lot of people had it a lot worse than I do. Some people don't get to die easily. Some get tortured for years before they are allowed to go. Some get turned into liches or vampires or thralls. Some people never get it easy. I won't even go into the ones that enter the Soul Cairn. That was a fate beyond any death anyone can receive.

I brushed the blanket off of me as I started climbing out of bed. "You do know that today is the day, right?"

Vignar nodded to me and patted the diamond sword strapped to his belt. "If by today you mean the day we kick the Thalmor out of Skyrim, then yeah…today's the day."

I scoffed at his comment and stood up. "You know that we can't stop it." However much I wished I could stop it.

"You never know unless you try. Your fate's only set in stone if _you_ resign to it." He offered, pointing a finger at me. He grabbed me by my shoulders and gave me a light reassuring squeeze. "The Psijics chose you for a reason, Lilly. I doubt they'd teach you all they know if you were going to die here today." He pulled me in for a hug and then kissed me. When he pulled away, he said, "You'll see. Tonight, when I shove my diamond katana up that Thalmor's ass, you'll have to step in front of everyone in the castle during dinner and say the words you thought you'd never say, 'Vignar was right, I guess I won't be dying as scheduled. Fate be damned, my husband rocks'. And now… that musical dance number we've all been drilling into our heads for the past six years will finally be done"

Oh gods… I'm _not_ doing that dance number even if we _do_ somehow make it out of this. I chuckled a little as I punched him lightly in the arm. This was how he always tried to cheer me up. He openly defied any belief that he couldn't keep me alive today. I told him everything. Everyone in the whole castle knew what my fate was going to be by now. It was never that much of a secret, especially since I was very vocal in telling Ruby my dreams as a younger child. I couldn't keep my mouth shut and now the whole castle knows that today is the day that we all die. But they all seem to think that they can prevent it. Not a damn person in town tried to evacuate. The Crimson Blades did their part and made sure all the civilians were transported to Solstiem, where one of their leaders, Draseth, was waiting to give them his private farm for their new housing. We were ready for an invasion. We were ready for our last stand.

For the past two years, my army has been trying to prove me wrong. That it won't come to my death and Skyrim falling to the Aldmeri Dominion. Two years ago was when the fight became more than just a few outspoken disapprovals of us. Two years ago, just a few months past my sixteenth birthday, the Aldmeri Dominion unleashed the Thalmor Inquisitors. They were Orcs that were twisted with dragonblood. Those Orcs were made for the sole purpose of killing off the Jarls and the Companions. We did everything we could, but we couldn't stop them. My Aunt Ria, the Harbinger, led the Companions to war. They lost, but not before taking down a chuck of the Aldmeri Dominions' army. It made them fall back for a few days at least. Before they returned with Thalmor Inquisitors. The Companions didn't last a day. If it were not for my decision when I was fourteen, the decision to create my own special task force, a lot more places than just Whiterun would have been lost. Because the Inquisitors attacked everywhere at once. I was a little prepared, though. Just a little.

Four years ago, I used my illegitimate power as the only surviving heir of Asger the Dragonborn to create my own special task force. I was the unofficial High Queen. I had Brelyna, my newest surrogate mother, bring the current Arch-Mage, Farengar, to me. When he arrived, I requested the use of his dragonblood serum to help me create a special unit of Shouters. He was happy to assist me in selecting viable candidates. He chose based on genetics; I chose based on spirit. Twelve of them were chosen, all of them passed. I called them the Shoutmen, purely because they were Shouters, born of dragonblood.

I only knew that this serum existed because Farengar came to me when I was twelve with the completed formula. This was almost a year after my father died, and he had started this serum when I wasn't even more than a thought in the back of Mom's mind. It was the presence of the Dragonbloods, Nords that were brainwashed by Kruz's army and turned into Shouters, that gave Farengar the breakthrough he needed. He used their blood with Dad's as well as mine, as a balance between dragonblood and human blood. Even so, it took ten years for Farengar to complete the serum. And even still, they needed a test subject. As it turned out, we had a perfect test subject: an orphaned Khajiit from Lunar Pass. Her name was Arinne. She was there when the dragons practically destroyed her town, killed her entire village. She was one of the few survivors of the town. She volunteered as the first non-Dragonborn Shoutmen.

She was injected with the serum, and we watched her change for a few months, getting blood draws. It worked. As it turned out, her blood resonated perfectly with the serum. It was a hard two weeks of Arinne fading in and out of consciousness, but it paid off. Once her body accepted the new blood flowing in her veins, she started getting stronger again… and her magicka blossomed. All Dragonborn have magicka skills slightly above normal. And Arinne never had any magicka training before being injected with the dragonblood serum. Once we had her checked out by the end of the month, it appeared as if there were no negative side-effects. Arinne had become Dragonblood. That was how the concept of the Shoutmen started. I had the beginnings of my personal task force. The other 11 candidates were quickly injected, one after another, while the only other Dragonborn… Dad's younger brother Asmund Lorain, was brought in to be the team's leader. I never met Asmund, never even knew he existed honestly, but once I met him, it was like seeing Dad alive and happy. They could have been identical twins almost.

The small band of Shouters were trained by Odahviing, with Asmund taking the role as their leader. He adopted the name of Dragonwing, because he could fully use the Dragon Aspect Shout to the point where he could actually sprout astral wings out of his back. He could fly through the air, using any Shout in the dictionary longer than any other Shouter. He wasn't as strong as my father, but he could easily take on a whole army just on his own. The other Shoutmen, while limited in how many Shouts they could learn, were a force to be reckoned with. And for two years they trained for the war coming to Skyrim. And up until the Thalmor Inquisitors stepped up, they were invincible. And once they met the Thalmor Shouting Orcs… the Inquisitors… the Shoutmen quickly learned just how inexperienced they truly were. We lost a lot of them to the Inquisitors, but… we've survived.

Although we had a setback, we refused to quit. I continued using my newly named 'Shoutmen' to help me fight this war. My new Shoutmen gave themselves new names, started wearing costumes, a thing that had been created by my mother Ruby. She did that often in Solitude when she was beginning as a citizen here. We all made ourselves costumes, rushed out, and started fighting the Thalmor and their Thalmor Inquisitors. We felt like superheroes, and that new confidence allowed us to gain a bit of an advantage. Those Inquisitors were nothing more than Orcs that they had taken against their will and injected with dragonblood. It drove them crazy but they were a directed crazy. Directed at us. But we fought them. In the first few battles, I lost four of my Shouters. Ever since then, we've been slowly losing this war. Been slowly pushed back further and further into our holds. Everyone continually shook their heads and tried to say that I was wrong, that everything would work out alright.

Well, the Thalmor Inquisitors were now a dying breed. The formula that was created from the Dominion was incomplete and it did not resonate completely with the Orc chemistry. The dead Shouters from the Dragon Rebellion were their source for the dragonblood serum. Sure, it worked for the Nords which were human, but Orcs were kind of like elves. And that means that they have somewhat different spirits. The Dominion never considered the difference between human and elf physiology, and that led to the short-lived Inquisitors. The Inquisitors only lived a short two years before they started dying. I think there are only a few dozen left and they're so weak now that all my fighters can brush through them. With Windhelm gone by a last ditch effort by the Thalmor over their dying warriors, they've taken this opportunity to charge at us with all their strength. The last of the Thalmor Inquisitors are coming at us with the full strength of the Aldmeri Dominion's army. I fear that we will not survive to see the end of the day, my husband still thinks otherwise.

The images of the Aldmeri Dominion conducting massive warfronts with the Stormcloaks and the Imperial Legion a few miles from Winterhold kept running in my head while I ate breakfast. I wanted to keep track of the battlefield. To their credit the Stormcloaks were really pulling out every trick they had on the Aldmeri Dominion. The Imperial Legion was showing an equal ferocity alongside the Stormcloaks. For the moment, they were holding the Aldmeri Army at bay. For how much Ulfric and General Tullius hated each other, they worked together very well. But, so far everything was still playing as I had already seen it play. Hopefully, everyone is right and it won't lead to everyone dying.

I watched in the back of my head, fireballs launching from catapults from both fields of battle. Ulfric and his Nords were out in front of the battle, tackling the Aldmeri Army front on, while Tullius hit the sides of the warfront with archers. It wouldn't be long before Councilor Fiirnar (not to be confused with the Fiirnar I dated, which is his son) marched up on his steed and changed how the battle would have been fought. His remaining Inquisitors would ban together and force both armies to fall back to the gates of our town.

Once breakfast was completed, I stood up and quickly made my way to the throne room. Brelyna and Ranjha waited patiently for me in the throne room. They were fully dressed in their crystal armor. Brelyna bowed to me saying, "High Queen, the Crimson Blades are at your disposal. Order us and we shall commit our forces to the battlefront."

I shook my head. "And once again, I will not allow you to go out there. I still want you and the rest of the guild to leave while you can."

"Your mother did not believe in running and neither do I, milady." Brelyna gently said at me, bowing respectfully. I told her on many occasions that I did not her treating me as anything but her daughter, but she insisted that I needed reminded of my role in this world. "High Queen Cecilie, I feel I must remind you that today is not a day for running. It is a day to stand up and give all we have to defeating the Dominion."

I sighed in defeat. Time for me to say what I dreamt saying a long time ago. "Then, go, Brelyna. You win. Go out there and fight until you see fit to return."

Brelyna turned around and started for the exit. "Ranjha, stay here and protect the High Queen." Brelyna unsheathed her diamond katana and flashed for the door. "I will return when I have Fiirnar's head on a pike."

My husband looked over to me. "You told me that she'd try to fight your decision to run." Brelyna was always the nicest person I've ever met. She always had this thing for my father… a crush I guess. She always loved him, and even when he chose Mom instead of her, she never abandoned him… or me. She was pretty much the closest thing I had to a third mother… and yet… I just sent her to her death.

I looked over at Vignar, fighting the small tear forming in my eyes. "And I told you what I would tell her. And now, it's your turn." I looked over to him. "Take Lydia…and run." I named my daughter after my mother. It seemed fighting that at least one Lydia should live to see old age.

He shook his head. "And once again, not without you. I won't leave this place unless you will."

I looked ahead to the doorway. I could never just leave this palace. Leaving this palace meant abandoning the one and only plan I had. The one winning factor for this stupid war. I sighed and looked back at him. "The Psijic monks told me that trying to fix the current of time is dangerous. If I fight back…I don't know what will happen. Besides… we have a war to win." I shook my head. "I will not do anything to change my fate. You have decided to fight back, that is your right. But, I have been forbidden to do so. I may have the power to do a lot…but I must not use it." _No matter how much I want to._ I looked down at the floor. I wanted so bad to fix this, to go back in time and do what was necessary to save us all, to give us all a happy future. But…I couldn't do it. _Changing the past will lead to more pain for others in the future._ I had to remind myself. This is the right path: this is the path I must walk. The light in the dark… The light in the dark. 100 years of darkness but the light will return. And it will only return if I stand here… and let myself die.

Vignar only smiled at me before patting his sheathed katana. "It's not like the Dominion will even make it this far. Even if they even make it this far, I'll be sure to run them through myself."

I tried to smile at his comment. I closed my eyes as the castle started shaking. "They have breached the main gate." Time was quickly running out. I hated this. I hated this so damn much… I hated that we all had to die. But… we will win the war. The Dominion will fall, just… just not today. Not from us. There is a greater plan at work. I just can't be here to see it through.

He looked over at me. "Impossible. Ulfric told me he'd hold them at least a day or two."

"He thought he would. He wasn't expecting to find Vampire Lords in the frontlines. I warned him about the Vampire Lords but he refused to accept that they existed. General Tullius was betrayed by one of the high elves in his Legate ranks. He was stabbed right before the Vampire Lords changed. With both leaders taken out, their armies fell to pieces. Whatever remains retreated to the main gate's long corridor, where archers waited to hit the Aldmeri Dominion's forces. Catapults destroyed the wall supporting the main gate. It fell onto the soldiers waiting. The only thing holding the Thalmor away are the Crimson Blades, the original Blades, the reserve Imperial Guard, and the town guard now." I blinked away a tear before I said, "Brelyna will die in less than a minute."

He looked at me horrified. "How can you just…sit there and accept this? How can you sit on your throne and not do anything? You're a Psijic! The magic you can create can end this whole war."

"I have been forbidden to do anything." I looked sharply at him. "How many times must I say this? Psijics told me to do NOTHING to change the course of fate. This is what I've seen, everything is on the path that was set in motion. I've dreamt of this day for _years_. I know exactly how it plays out, in every level, in every aspect, in every detail. And if you still don't understand what I mean…think of it this way. The Psijics told me that the Elder Scrolls were a tool of the divine to show us what was planned for us. What I've seen is the will of the gods. What can I possibly do? Defy the Gods?"

The doors to the castle blasted open and the remaining Shoutmen I had were rushing through, their costumes torn and covered in elven blood. Dragonwing bowed to me. "Milady, Crimson Master Samantha Flame-Hand has fallen to an Inquisitor. Her guild is giving it all it has but…we're moving you up to the tower for protection. Time for that plan of yours."

I stood up and looked at Ranjha. "Come up to the tower with me."

Ranjha looked as angry as ever. Her scaly Khajiit tail flicked and her webbed claws reached for her sapphire katana. She unsheathed the katana and looked to the entrance. "And let them just run up and kill you up there? Fuck that!" She headed for the door. "I'll hold them off while you…what have you always told me? Oh yeah…keep the Battle-Born clan alive." She spun around, glaring daggers at me. "I never believed you, you know. I always thought we could survive this. And we would have…if you just got off your ass to help us help you. But no! Your pity party and your stupid long-term plan has killed us all!" She headed for the door. "Besides, I'll see you one last time…if I remember correctly."

More Crimson Blades retreated into the castle. I could see the Inquisitors bull-rushing through the crowd to get to me. One pushed past everyone and aimed himself at me. His once proud skin was sickeningly paled and blistering, patches of skin peeling off with rotting muscle underneath. His eyes looked bloodshot and I could see blood and puss foaming at his lips. This is what happened to the failed experiments known at the Thalmor Inquisitors. This is what they had become. "YOL TOOR SHUL!" The Inquisitor shouted to me, his voice booming.

Fire streaked from his mouth and raced over to us, a giant arc of steel-melting fire. Dragonwing jumped in front of me, spreading his arms out. The giant pillar of fire split in half, flying away from me, crashing into the wall behind me. Dragonwing stood there, taking up a defensive stance. "High Queen, quick. Run!"

Ranjha spun around the Inquisitor getting ready to launch another round. There was a fast flash of bright blue and the Orc exploded into a bloody mess. Ranjha spun around, cutting down several Thalmor archers preparing to shoot at me. When she finally caught a break, she spun to me and screamed, "Get the fuck out of here!"

My husband grabbed me and started pushing me up to the staircase. He looked over to Dragonwing and said, "Get her out of here."

Dragonwing nodded to him and said, "What about you, sir?"

He looked over at me, his eyes growing with concern. He finally found a smile and said, "I'll stay down here and prove to my wife that I can change fate." His voice sounded broken, defeated. I could see the truth. He knew this was the end… he always did.

I bit off my response and allowed Dragonwing to push me up the staircase. I was so hesitant. I could… maybe I could… I shook the thought away. I couldn't give up now. I had to see this through to the end. The rest of the Shoutmen, minus two helping the remainder of the Crimson Blades, followed the two of us up the tower. We ran as fast as we could. The sounds of battle really started to intensify as we got higher and higher up. When we arrived up in my bedroom, I found my old friend, Babette, waiting for me. She was holding my new born daughter, only a year old at most.

Babette sighed as she handed Lydia over to Dragonwing. "I always knew that it would lead to this."

I smiled at her. "You always believed me."

She crossed her arms and looked away. "Yeah, I wonder why? Maybe it's because I've been alive for 200 years now!" Her wings sprouted for her back and she floated up to see me eye-to-eye. "Am I to guess this is the part where you tell me to run and I turn down your offer?" I nodded; she smiled in return. "Well, I'm glad we at least established that." She stuck out her hand. "We've been friends for 200 years, Lilly. I won't run now. I'll gladly die by your side. An old friend once said that we all have a time and a place that we die. My gift was that I got to choose it. And this is me choosing it. If you are going to die, I will be right beside you."

"Babette? I…I never met you before my birth." I responded, now confused.

She looked at me like I was a moron. "You never went back to the Aedra Wars? Or…" She paused before understanding took her. "Oh…well, this is embarrassing. You're not the same Cecilie then."

I grabbed her by the arms, my voice almost cracking. "What? You met me before?!"

She nodded. "Yeah…we're really old friends. I…I thought you knew!"

I paused for a second, letting her go. I walked over to the window and gazed out it. I allowed my thoughts to drift…back to the Aedra Wars. I scanned Erandur and Babette, searching for me. And…I found me. I was there, dressed in Mithril Battlemage armor. And…I was fighting. But…why? When did I do this? This wasn't me! I never went back after coming home from my one-time trip! But…I had to have. Was I supposed to go back and do it now? For once in my new understanding of how the world worked…I was confused. So…damn…confused.

I don't know how long I stood there and watched this new Cecilie as she did what she did. No, it wasn't me. She was younger than me. In fact, I'd say she was sixteen, the same age I had completed my Psijic training. But…she was no Psijic monk. She seemed different, more relaxed, more…prepared, and more rebellious of what I had learned. She was a new me. And she existed in the ever flowing time stream. In… in every time stream. Like when I pierced the universe with my bow and arrow, forever making it a known fact that my mother met me when we were children. And that meant… there was more than one of me. But…that also made no sense. Was my time and hers connected somehow? But…that made no sense. Only I could exist…I'm the one and only. Why couldn't I make sense of this? How could two of us… connect our futures together like this?

…

"Princess!" Graybeard said to me as he grabbed me by my hand. It snapped me out of my trance, but now I was trying to make sense of what would happen if I tried to change my present. If she could do whatever she wanted to fix the past…why couldn't I? I…I could do something here and now to change it. But… it was already too late. My future was already coming up the stairs to complete this journey of mine. I had to keep to the plan. If I left… if I did anything… that little light in the future might never shine.

I looked back at Graybeard. He was a young man about my age. I started scanning his future. He had a long way to go, but only if I got him to leave. He needed a damn good reason, as did they all. They wouldn't leave without me…but…what if I gave them something just as important as me? I don't know how on Nirn Graybeard was going to live an extra 99 years, but he was going to do it. The Dragonblood also gave us extended lives, a lot like the elves in fact. Most of these people could live to see 130 if they were good to their bodies. I saw him with Bloodstain, still alive, very old, but still alive. He would become Bloodstain's mentor. The very man I wished I had here with me. And with Erandur leading the Imperial Army and the Stormcloaks, we could have made a difference. We could have won. But…it was too late. I thought this plan was the only one I could have had. And… I can't change it now.

"Princess!" He screamed again. "We need to leave. The Thalmor are already inside the palace!"

I looked for any chance of me escaping. I still found myself standing in my spot. I could not run. It was too late. I shook my head. "No…I'm not leaving." I said back to him. "It's too late for me. If I stay here, it will at least slow them down. But if I leave, they'll only follow us…and then they'll learn about Lydia." That was it, then. I had to die so that my daughter could live. This was all about her. I scanned her life and saw that she'd become a Shoutman and eventually raise two children, both of which would be killed, but not before one of them got married and produced another daughter. That daughter would join Bloodstain and fix the world. They would restore Skyrim and drive the Aldmeri Dominion out of Tamriel once and for all. This was how _I_ would win. This was my plan. I've been letting myself believe that this was the only way I would win against the Dominion. If I had only thought about rebelling; do whatever I wanted; ignore the fucking Psijics! … I could have… I could have done something here. Changed our fates… all of them.

I shook my head. No… I already tried that. I saved M'aiq… and he was still dead, like I never helped him. I couldn't affect my timeline, only another's. Another Cecilie's… a second one. One that could… one that could prepare, train… go back in time and befriend Babette from my timeline… and… give me a message. That we're in this together. The two of us… no… not the two of us. All of us! We're all in this together now. Bound by the bow! This was it. This was my victory.

I quickly wrote myself a note… a note to the other Cecilie. The one in the other universe. The one that was fighting. Only she could pull this off. I quickly told her what I wanted, what we needed. And I opened a time portal to her. I dropped the note into the portal, letting it close. This would be my ultimate victory. And today… I'll make sure my timeline has at least one in the future.

I looked down at my baby daughter. She was wrapped up in Dragonwing's arms.

"I will miss you, Lydia. Live a good long life. And someday… you'll help bring about a better world. You won't live to see it, but… you'll be the reason it will exist." I looked up at Graybeard. "I want you to train Claus Mottiere when he takes up Bloodstain's mask. He'll need you; and the world needs him."

Graybeard nodded to me. "Yes, ma'am."

I looked back to the other Shoutmen, all six of them. The six Shoutmen standing here with me were the only ones left. I smiled to them all and said, "It has been an honor. And no matter what happens today, you've all served me the best you could. Now, it's time you serve someone else." I looked over at Dragonwing, the strongest of all my Shoutmen, and the oldest. "Dragonwing, you're the leader of the Shoutmen. Now, listen to my final words. Take Lydia, keep her safe, and keep her existence hidden. Tell her about me…about us. And tell her…one day her granddaughter will free Skyrim."

I pulled out my collection of journals from my bookshelf and handed them to everyone. "Shadow journals. Keep them close, project yourselves into them. Write you own. Doing so will leave an imprint of yourselves onto this world. If you keep your journals safe and passed down, you'll never truly die. Now, the other journals I gave you are my family's. One of them is mine, one of them is Ruby's, and the last one is my mother's. Keep them close, make Lydia read them. Make sure they're always protected. And yourselves as well."

Dragonwing nodded to me. "Yes, Princess. We'll be leaving now."

Just as he said that, the door leading into the hallway exploded open. Ranjha came running in, grasping her bleeding arm. Her crystal dagger was hanging off her belt and I could see the life draining from her eyes. "Cecilie. I couldn't keep them back anymore. I barely escaped."

I nodded to her, patting her on the shoulder. I nodded to my Shoutmen and said, "Go, leave with them." This was never in my dream, but… I want to change this world! I want to have something today! One little change… one little rebellion!

She looked confused for a second, but then I saw her scaly eyes sharpen. She was one of the only mixed-bred Argonian/Khajiit living here in Skyrim. She had fur like a Khajiit, a body too, but she had tougher skin and small gills along her neck. She had orange-ish fur that had a green tint to it. She could breathe underwater. The Ka Po'Tun referred to themselves as tigers transforming themselves into dragons. We referred to it as a crossbreed between lizards and cats. Ranjha was a Ka Po'Tun by law and by genetics. She still considered herself Khajiit, though. Mostly because it was her mother that raised her and not so much her father. You can't blame Maleek for that though. He did die long before Ruby did; Ranjha barely even remembered him anymore.

Ranjha looked at me like I was crazy. She hissed with annoyance and said, "I am your friend, Cecilie! I'm not leaving your side. If you stay, I stay."

I shrugged at her. I guess… neither of us was going to leave this memory then. "I already knew that you wouldn't anyway. But if you stay here…you will die." I looked back at my Shoutmen and said, "You'd better be going now. Behind that wall is an escape tunnel. Surrounded by malachite: it can't be touched by magic. Just go as fast as you can. Wuld the entire way if you're able. Don't turn around, do not come back. And finally, do whatever it takes to survive."

Dragonwing nodded to me. "It will be done." With that he turned and headed off to the wall. He pulled the lantern down and the wall opened up. Quickly my Shoutmen started running through the wall. Once they all vanished, I took my time and walked up to the wall, closing it behind them.

Ranjha hissed in annoyance. "Why couldn't we just leave with them?" I could see tears beginning to fall down her cheek. She wanted me to defy my destiny. She wanted to live; I didn't blame her. It was too late though. If I left… Lydia might be found… and she might be killed. Vivian will never be born… Bloodstain will never save Skyrim. All will be lost.

Babette looked over at her. "They would just follow her. Cecilie would be hunted every day until she was found. This way her daughter will live to fight another day. This way…the true line of Battle-Borns will live on." She knew the truth. I guess the other me told her my plan. I tried my best to keep my plan a secret… just like Lydia's birth. I knew if even one person spoke of her… it would lead to a hunt that would lead to her death. Only Babette, Brelyna, Ranjha, the Shoutmen, and I knew of her birth.

Ranjha sighed. "I guess I should have left then. But…" She looked down. She shook her head. "No, I couldn't. They saw me run up here. They'd wonder where I would have gone." She looked up at the doorway. Her tail drooped to the floor. "I… I would have ended up here regardless. Bound by fate." She looked over to me, tears rolling down her face. "I never knew… I thought… I'm sorry." She rushed over to me, wrapping me up in her arms. "I'm so sorry! You've been burdened with this from the start… and I thought… I thought… it wasn't true. And here we are… as if it couldn't happen any other way."

I thought of the other Cecilie. No doubt she had the note by now. I just hope… Ranjha was wrong. I might not live to see this… and neither might not Ranjha, but somewhere another set of us… we'll see this through. We're bound by the bow. If even one of us lives long enough to dreamwalk back here and fire that arrow… we'll let the whole universe know that we were destined to save this world… everywhere in every time.

We could hear the footsteps of the soldiers marching up to find us. I took a deep breath as I patted both my friends on the shoulders. This was it. If I had only a few minutes left, I might as well spend it staring out the window. I walked up to the window and glanced out. The entire city of Solitude was burning to the ground. People outside were being rounded up in groups. Whatever remained of the civilians that did not want to evacuate were being harassed by the Aldmeri Army. All the women and children were being ushered off, while the men were being executed on the spot.

I shook my head. Why had I let it end up this way? I had always known it would, if not only as a dream first. But once I understood my gift, I failed to respect it. The Psijics had it wrong. If the future was rotten, why wouldn't we change it for the better? They broke their own rules before, to stop an exploding Eye of Magnus. Why couldn't I keep myself from dying? Or maybe kill Fiirnar before he took over Black Marsh and Elsweyr? Why? This version of me was an alternate path, a path I failed to see before it was too late. A path I opened up for her. And she was our only hope now. If only I could reverse time and be the Cecilie she was. I could leave now, but…then I'd doom this timeline to a manhunt for me… which would lead them to Lydia. It wasn't fair to just ditch this timeline and my friends. No…I dug this pit, I might as well lie down in it.

The door shattered into a thousand bits of wood and Ranjha hissed out as she unsheathed her crystal dagger. She charged forward, only to be welcomed with a loud _bang!_ Ranjha's head rocked back and she fell to the ground, a giant steaming hole right in the middle of her forehead. And just like that… I lost my sister. On the other side of the door was the nightmare of my dreams. And he held the hand-cannon that killed my best friend. As I always knew it would.

I looked at the Thalmor standing in my room. It was Councilor Fiirnar, sent here when diplomacy failed 19 years ago. He was the leader of the army that had started taking us by storm. Right after he took the Imperial City. Luckily for him, the Emperor had already been assassinated in Skyrim. It gave him all the right to put us in our place. It was a 'punishment' for killing the Emperor of our great empire. Yeah right. Just more political bullshit to kill us.

The great councilor smiled at me, his fangs brushing out of his mouth. "If it isn't the High Queen Cecilie Battle-Born. You look…like you were expecting me."

I nodded. My body was already following the same routine that I had lived every night since I started having nightmares. "I have been. I cannot change my fate." I just had to say this one line… one last time. I can't let him know I've already won.

He paused to look at the little vampire standing by my side. His smile vanished. "Oh, if it isn't the little tramp that bit my hand all those years ago."

Babette hissed and flashed her fangs at him, bringing her wings out. "I should have killed you when I had the chance!" She flashed up to him as a stream of bats, materializing on the back of his shoulders, digging her claws into his back. "You were lucky I was just a little girl back then! I didn't have the guts to kill you! But I'm much older now! I can fix my mistake."

Fiirnar stuck his hand-cannon up to Babette's head. She didn't have time to react. He pulled the trigger and her lifeless form fell from his back. Fiirnar paused for a second to pull out a knife and steak her in the chest. Babette's body started turning to ash. Fiirnar turned to look at me, tossing his hand-cannon aside. "I only had two rounds left. You'll have to forgive your friends…they took the fast and easy way out. You'll have to suffer now."

I growled at him, my throat already tensing up. "I've suffered for 11 years. You can't scare me anymore. Today…I'll finally be free."

He stared me like I was a small puzzle. But he shrugged and showed me his fangs. He smiled and charged up at me, sinking his teeth into my neck. I felt the scorching pain that I lived through my entire life. When he yanked my throat out…I stopped thinking, I stopped feeling pain. I think I was finally free. Too bad it had to come to this, though. If only I had known earlier about this other me. I could have done so much to fix this. I could have been the one to make the change. But now… it was up to another me, in some other timeline. She would have to be the one. It was all up to her now.

* * *

 **Cearbhail:**

 _And there is only one chapter left.  
_


	3. Her Future

**Cearbhail:**

 _There are a few changes to this chapter, mostly the note carried in Quaranir's hands. The note never existed before, and the premise of this chapter had changed a bit because of it.  
_

 _Oh...and enjoy =^.^=_

* * *

The first thing that occurred to me was that I was dead. That and my body was back. When I opened my eyes, I was surrounded in nothing but white. There was no floor, no ceiling, nothing that could even be considered Sovngarde. It was just a white gravity-less nothing. As my eyes started to focus, I could see tiny thousands of these small floating worlds, all Nirn, all spinning around in their natural rotations. Where was I? This wasn't Sovngarde!

I paused to push a deep breath out. I was hoping that when I died that I would be able to…I don't know…at least see my friends in the afterlife. Spend the rest of my eternity with my husband, my parents, or mother at least. Go to the grasslands and hang out with Ruby and her daughter. You know, the afterlife stuff. So…why was I floating around a white room filled with small palm-sized Nirns?

I allowed a small invisible sigh out. Well, I could say that this was a fitting punishment for someone who had the ability to change the world but didn't use it. I guess I didn't deserve to see my friends because I led them all to their deaths. I lived my life as I thought it was supposed to be. I should have no regrets, but there were so many. I had the power to change my fate. I had the power to right what was so wrong. If only I had taken the chance. If only.

"Then why don't you?" I heard a light voice call from behind me.

I snapped myself around, my body turning in some floating manner. Standing a few feet away from me was Quaranir, one of the Psijic monks that had taught me why changing the past was so bad. He was holding onto one of the small floating worlds, running one of his fingers over the glass-like bubble that contained it.

"Quaranir?" I asked. "What are you doing here?"

He smiled and started walking around the nothing, still holding onto the Nirn in his hand. "You have piqued an interest, little one. You listened to us, even when you knew that it would lead to your death. Your initiation to the Psijic Order is complete, or… would have been if not for your little rebellion at the end." He stuck out his hand, holding the very letter I wrote for the other Cecilie. "The Psijics believe that one who has seen the vileness of the world and wishes to change it, but doesn't…because they understand the way the world flows is the very essence of what a time-traveler needs to be. So…congratulations…if you can call it that…are in order. You would be one of us right now if it were not for this little detail." He shook the note in his hand. So… I did that for nothing then? They intercepted it… and kept the other me from getting it? "Now, onto the question at hand. You wish to change what has happened. Do not try to contradict me…we wouldn't be speaking if you did not have some regret. So, you wish to make _your_ history better? Why not also help others who's past have been worse off? Why only fix yours?"

I shook my head. I could not just stand here and claim that. I knew that I was only one person… one in the few billion that ever existed. I'm not the only one that suffered. People suffer every day… worse than I ever would. I could not claim to be special. "I _did_ want to change my fate, but that would have been wrong. If I can do it, other people should be able to as well. It's not fair to only fix your own life and leave others in the dark. And if everyone could change their fate, the world would be a chaotic place; no one would fail at anything but that by itself would be unbalanced. Too many people living with success and no one failing…the world wouldn't be able to handle it. That's why balance exists. Why people die and new people are born. Why everything is the way it is."

Quaranir smiled. "That is what we would want you to believe. That some people must suffer for others to live life happily. And for the most part, that balance exists. But, where do we draw the line? If one man can be so cruel as to destroy an entire race, enslave them, punish them for no reason, and then execute them brutally…is that too much? Should he be able to do so, or should someone put him down? And if someone knew what he was capable of, of what he would do…do we have the right to kill that person before he does these acts? Before he plants the seeds of hatred, murder, unjustified racism for not only his generation but several generations that follow? Is that balanced?"

I shrugged. This was a normal test question that the Psijics drilled into my head since I was eleven. I already knew the proper answer. And it's not like my little rebellion would change their opinion of me. I'm already dead. "But if he hasn't committed the acts yet, then he isn't guilty of doing it. If history could change like that, maybe he'd make a different choice. Change his _own_ fate. Not to mention, we don't know what would happen if that person died. Would there still be a massacre? Would something just as bad happen to someone else? Maybe killing him will produce an imbalance that can't be fixed. Changing the past will only lead to more pain for others in the future. It's about balance."

He paced around the room, frowning at me now. Did… did I not give the correct answer? "Balance? This man…kills an entire nation of people, enslaves them…you call this balance? How is that balanced? Who benefits from that? Other than the person pulling the strings, I cannot see benefit. I only see victims… the ones committing the acts… and the ones receiving them. Everyone but the string puller himself." Quaranir looked at the Nirn in his hands. "The question being stated happened in a world far away from our own, it a history that is not known to us. A war so grand in size that it drew in every country around their world. They all acted to silence this _one man_ who had decided that a race of men was to become extinct. For years he got away with it. Billions died for his hubris before the world decided enough had been enough. The world stood against him, but… he had the final choice. He killed himself. Balance was not restored, but he was punished all the same. But if he hadn't died… if he had been allowed to exist in that world… what would have happened? The entire world acted to kill _one man_. Millions of humans died…just to kill one. So, what could have this world been like if they didn't have to worry about killing him?"

I sighed. It was true. I didn't see anything balanced about it. It just seemed wrong. "Ok, maybe you're right. But, changing the future can have adverse effects. You taught me this very vividly. So…I would choose to not change it. I would let the history play out as it had been written." I just had to play his game. It's not like it would matter; this was probably my own punishment for doing what I did. I was brought here to be shamed for attempting a little rebellion.

Quaranir shook his head, pacing around. "But _choosing_ to not change this event will still reflect the _ability_ to change it in the first place. Now you're pretending that the power you possess is better off being not used at all. You're actively choosing to keep fate this way…in this blacked state of misery. All the lives that die because of this one event, lives that you could save…will all blink out because you actively decided to look the other way and shrug. While snapping your fingers could result in a longer peace for all. You are actively allowing these people to die, knowing that you could change it. You are accepting these deaths as your own. In this way… you're the real monster."

"And choosing to change fate will be a slap in the face to the Gods, who also have all the power in the universe to halt it from happening. You're saying I should play God and choose how history will write itself?" I screamed at him. I had no idea just how adamantly I felt about this. I was no longer just pretending to answer these questions. I was furious at my past life and how I refused to act. I was so angry at myself that I couldn't hold it in anymore. "Such power can be disastrous. I could become easily greedy and fix every little mistake that I wanted to fix. It would leave a trail that would eventually create something bad in return!" That much was true… there was no way of knowing what my choices could end up doing for another Cecilie in another timeline.

Even though I was fighting so hard to prove what he taught me to be true, I secretly wanted to go back and change my fate. But I didn't want to go back because it never changed what happened in my world. I saw the results already… nothing I did changed _my_ present. I was selfish… only thinking of me instead of another me. A more… permanent me. And now… the other me would still have all that misery of my dead mother, my inattentive father. She'd have to slowly watch him die in front of her, pleading to her to at the last second to forgive him. And if that Cecilie ever decided to keep doing what I should have done, she might not be looking at a vampire glaring at her throat like it was a chew toy. Still the same past, maybe a different result.

Quaranir smiled at me and nodded. "You did learn well, little one. Too bad you have not learned the lesson we intended for you to learn. Even though… you did at the last second." He walked up to me waving the note. "I should be congratulating you, but… I feel like it would be a useless gesture. I could continue to explain what it is you should have learned, but I feel like you already know. After all… if the gods did not want you to change history…would they have given you the ability to do so? Your finding of the Elder Scroll was not coincidence. You were driven by fate, by the hand of Akatosh. Everything happened the way it was supposed to happen, but there were always hints that it didn't need to be. You saw the future, not just your own, but the world's itself. If the Gods are willing to let the world slip into such a massacre, then I shake my head at the possibility that the Gods do not have our best intentions in mind." He looked back at me, saying, "Your whole world was a gift to you. Everyone you knew tried to change your mind. All your friends were trying to teach you the proper lesson, the lesson the Gods wanted you to learn. You ignored them. I thought you had failed your quest."

Quaranir waved his hand and the images of my friends started appearing. My husband appeared as a wisp of smoke, his face shifting but still detailed. "How can you just…sit there and accept this? How can you sit on your throne and not do anything? You're a Psijic! The magic you can create can end this whole war."

The smoke shifted over to Brelyna, who looked as understanding as ever. "Your mother did not believe in running and neither to do I, milady. High Queen Cecilie, I feel I must remind you that today is not a day for running. It is a day to stand up and give all we have to defeating the Dominion."."

Then the face of the six-year-old Ranjha formed in the mist. It was the first time I had woken up from my nightmare with her dying. "Oh dear sweet gods…Ranjha…I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's never happened like this before."

She looked questioningly at me, arching one of her eyebrows. "Oh? What's wrong?"

"You…you…" My old nine-year-old voice rung in the air. "You were killed by the same man that killed me."

She paused and looked at me, her eyes glaring into mine. She finally pushed off my bed and crossed her arms. "Well, if you're just going to sit there and let me die…then I won't be your friend anymore."

"I can't control it." My avatar screamed.

She turned to face me. "Sithis poo! If you wanted to keep me alive, you could! You're dreaming of my death because you won't!"

Quaranir let the images fade. He smiled at me and said, "I think those speak for themselves. But…there is one more memory I'd like to dig up."

The smoke redeveloped into…me. I was standing on some tower next to…Bloodstain. "Because it's before my birth. I am willing to disobey the rules of the Psijics to bring people from the near past and the near future to help me in my time…but even I am unwilling to go back in time to change the past in a distinctive way. I may go back and help others do what they are doing and offer support, or even nudge toward something that will improve their time. But I will not change the past myself. Even so…" My avatar's eyes started tearing up. "I do not want to die like this. It does so much bad. Even if _you_ fix it… _I_ am still the cause. I can change it; we can stop it. This future never has to be so dark. And I don't have to die…not yet."

The smoke shifted over to me…again. The same young me that I kept seeing in my mind right before I died. The other me… the one I helped. The one I sent the note to. She was standing in front of a bound Fiirnar (the son I dated). "Fiirnar, your father would go to the ends of Tamriel to find me. If he knew I was here, he would destroy all of Skyrim just to make sure I'm dead."

"Yes, he would. I could totally believe that he would do something like that." Fiirnar nodded. "Which is why I _can't_ let him know that you're still alive." He looked down at the ground. "The Aldmeri Dominion upholds peace above all. If my deranged father, who oversaw the destruction of the Imperial City, found out that his number one hit is still alive…the entire country of Skyrim would be burnt to the ground…just to sate his anger at a teenage blind girl that whopped his butt during the Aedra Wars. The damage that would follow his conquest to kill you would lead to too much unnecessary death. I can't let anyone do something so vile. Especially if it was only done so that one teenage girl who…captured my heart five years ago during a spring fling would die."

Finally Quaranir looked over at me. "There is just…one more thing I'd like you to hear." The smoke started to shift. I could see my father. He stood near a pile of rocks.

"You are right about one thing: I am just one man. That's all any of us are. We are just one person. That didn't stop Talos. That did not stop the Champion of Cyrodiil, the Nerevarine, nor anyone else who changed history. Every time our history demanded change or face annihilation…it was one person who stood up and took the attack head-on. It was that _one person_ who weathered the storms, pushed others to fight alongside him. All it takes is one person to stand up when all the chips are down. When times are tough, _one person_ is all it takes to fix history." My father called from the ground, screaming at something I could not yet see.

An image of Bloodstain flashed in my mind. He was standing in front of his army, standing right outside of Solitude. He was talking to a man dressed in shoddy armor. "So, you have your hope again. Has your bubble popped?"

The man shook his head. "No, it's not our bubble that's been popped. It's the Thalmor's. They lived each day thinking that they owned us, that we would just accept our fate. They forgot what happened when the Wild Elves controlled Cyrodiil, what man is capable of when push comes to shove." He looked back at the men and women forming up behind him. "Everyone here has realized what needs to be done. We need to get our lives back; to live the way we want, not the way elves dictate."

Just seeing Bloodstain in the same light as my father's speech… about one person being the change. Bloodstain was my one person. He was the change I wanted to take Skyrim back. And that was the moment his rebellion took real. It was when the people of Skyrim decided to fight back. It was also the very second his entire army fell to one massive magicka cannon blast, nearly wiping everyone out. Bloodstain survived and killed the Councilor in charge of Skyrim, crowning Vivian, and making her High Queen of Skyrim.

Quaranir let the smoke fade away. "That was your father, before he lost his soul to Alduin. You should know what he's like; you spent a lot of time around him after all."

I nodded. "Yeah, that was Daddy, alright."

"And Bloodstain… the person you chose to save the world, at the precipice of his greatest failure… and his greatest victory." Quaranir smiled. "Just right when you think you're about to lose… something comes along and saves you. And right when you're about to win… something comes along to remind you you're not invincible. Lessons to be learned. Right as you…" He pointed at me. "Were about to lose… you had a flicker of hope." He held out the note again. "Just like Bloodstain."

I started wondering what this was really about. I decided to roll my eyes. "And what's with the note? Are you just going to stand here for all eternity and taunt me with it?"

Quaranir nodded. "If it takes that long, yes. I have a point that I want to drive home and you do not understand the full meaning yet. Now, I know you found out that another you existed and affected your time-stream. Any questions about that?"

I nodded. "Yeah, who was she?"

"Your creation. You went back to a timeline and saved M'aiq and introduced yourself to your mother. That little thing… saved your mother. And that Cecilie grew up knowing of you! She wanted to repay your kindness so… she went back to the Aedra Wars… in a dreamwalk… and let's just say… she sacrificed her body for a certain Khajiit Monk… and fired off a bow to make it real. Her involvement with Babette became real… her echo forever reflected. Babette knew you because of her. It was her way of telling you… you can fight. You don't have to give up. And when it came time to face us… she told us to go fuck ourselves. When she completed her Psijic training, she told us that we were wrong and that she had to go fix the world. It was her duty since she knew what it would become." Quaranir offered the world that he held in his hand. When I didn't take it, he shrugged and gazed down at it. "That Cecilie existed in the parallel world that I hold in my hands. I've been watching her progress since she defied our orders. I watched her go back and help all her friends. She changed her fate. And… she managed to leak parts of her world into yours, at least in the parts that you were not actively participating in."

So, she was trying to help me? "Then… why didn't she come help me when I needed her most?"

Quaranir sighed heavily. "The rule of the soul is that you cannot exist in two spots at once. You cannot travel where you already are. She wanted so bad to come to your aid and protect you but…she was unable and resigned to wish you luck on your journey, instead."

"And…" I said. I had to admit, I was thrilled to hear that she was able to do it. To succeed where I failed, but…that did not help the fact that it still wasn't _me_ that did it. "That's like me having a birthday and getting a spanking while my twin sister gets cake and presents. It's nice to see her getting a good life, but…that I still have a sore butt."

Quaranir actually laughed. "That's a good way to look at it. But…what if every you in existence were to become exactly the same. Be able to push the reset button at the end of their life and go back and fix it? Be the Cecilie that had the guts to defy us from the start."

"Be her? But… I can't. I'm just me. She's the other one." I'm so confused now.

Quaranir held up my note. "You didn't seem to think like that." He opened it up, smiling. "I rather liked this. Dear other Me, I know you have defied the Psijics. I know you want to save us from this fate. So, I have a plan. Go to another Cecilie's world, make sure she's born. Make sure she lives to be a teenager. And when it comes to escape this fate, when we know she has lived a full and great life, have her dream-walk back one day. To her own past, one that she lived through. When everyone is safe, and no one has died from this nightmare of ours. And… have her pick up a bow. And let her fire it to the heavens… forever locking us as one… all of us. Let us create a brand new world, one of our choosing. I don't care how many times we have to repeat this hell, one of us will eventually get it right. And when we do, that bow will make it fact for all of us, in each and every world. We'll defy this destiny of ours. But only if you help. Love… the weaker me."

"You took that from me though. She never got it." I was so torn up about it. That was my ultimate plan. Sure to come true.

Quaranir shook his head. "No… she gave it to me. She's doing it right now. And I've decided to back it up. And now…I've chosen you, Cecilie Battle-Born…to join the Phoenix Circle, an order that I'm a recruiter for. It is a group within the Psijic Monks that exist to help others reclaim their fates."

"What?" Phoenix Circle? What the heck is that?

"I will allow you to be resurrected. Your soul will pass from this timeline into another." Quaranir said with a small smile growing on his face.

I stood there. This….this was really happening? I was going to go back and what? Go die again and again? No, it was different. He was offering to give me a change to change all that. I had to be sure first. "What exactly are you talking about here? I go back and…what exactly?"

He shrugged. "You change your fate. And, no…before you ask, you will not just wake up as a baby and know what you already know. No, we have more…interesting ways of informing you. I will be your guide. As was before when you exited the portal and was harassed by me and my colleagues, this time it will only be me. And I will train you to become something else. Not a Psijic Monk but a Phoenix. And this position is not a one-time offer. This is for the rest of your lives. You may push the reset button every time you die. You may finally rest in peace when you've come across the life that you are willing to accept. And when you've found that perfect world… that perfect you… we'll let you fire that bow of yours. And it will forever be that way for all of you. But until then, you must keep going back and see if you can do it right the next rotation."

"But…that means that I'll just wake up to a dead mother an apathetic father again, won't it?" I asked. I had to know if I could change more than just my death.

He smiled. "It will take possibly three lives to fix all your mistakes. The first life will have to go back and be born from the same situations. That life will have to go back in time and fix your parents past. She will possibly still raise an army and be killed, or maybe she'll live to the end of her days. Maybe she'll accept fate as it was and move onto the afterlife. Perhaps not, though. If she decides to go back, it will be to new circumstances. The second life will be born from actual parents but I will have to show up and teach that life about what needs to be done. She will have to go prepare an army. That will save her life from being killed. After that, that Cecilie might finally move on and let you all rest in peace. If not, the cycle will repeat. Or perhaps that Cecilie will go back to the source of it all and kill Fiirnar. Perhaps it will happen sooner. But doing something like that would result in such a different life for everyone you knew. Nothing would be the same. If she didn't like that life, she could choose to not go back and kill Fiirnar at the beginning of the Aedra War. The possibilities are endless but they often only get better for everyone involved in that person's life."

"What about all the people that died? Are they going to reset like me?" I sure hope so.

He shrugged and gestured to all the floating worlds. "These worlds here are all different lives. There are billions and billions of them. Some of them involve you, some don't. The ones that do will accept you coming into them, but only at your birth. You'll be moving from world to world when you die and decide to try again. It's never the same one, but let me make this clear." He grabbed me by the shoulders. "What you do will permanently affect the next world you settle in. It will take the history of what you did to the past world and morph it accordingly. These worlds here are possibilities for change. You touch one and it will take the changes you made. Before you're born the history will play out as how you changed it. If you choose to leave upon death, your spirit will not stay in this world and you can never go back to it, nor will the spirits of your friends follow. But they will be affected in the next life that you choose to settle in. No, you'll be like a wanderer, looking for the right place to settle down. Until you find happiness, you can't stop. That is the price of being a Phoenix. But when you do accept your final resting place, you can never leave that world either. But then…you shouldn't care either way."

I nodded. "Ok, I think I understand. So, in a way, my friends will come with me."

He nodded. "They will know the stuff your previous lives did. Just like how Babette knew who you were before you were born. She already acknowledged the previous Cecilie who existed before you did. Well, every timeline has that knowledge now because of that dream-walk bow boundary breaking. She affected the change you could not. This Cecilie's path was an interesting one. In one life… she managed to fix everything she wanted to fix. Her second life would have been the one she could have dreamed for. If you had followed her example, you would be on your second life right now and you could have changed it so that you would be born to normal parents, but since your spirit hasn't done this…you cannot take credit for what another you has done. You will have to follow her path…almost exactly if you want to win in the long run. I can share with you her memories… and through her example, I feel like you stand a chance at a happy ending. Not only for you, but for your family and friends. For everyone involved in your life. Are you ready to begin?"

I stood there for a second. This was it! My rebellion had begun.

I nodded to him, and Quaranir pulled another world out from behind his back. He stuck his hand out, offering it to me. "All you have to do is touch this world and will yourself to be given…another chance."

I reached out to the world. I could just turn around and go to my afterlife. I could be happy with everyone laugh about how I was right and how they were wrong. But…something stopped me. I…I could make this better. I knew I could. We deserved a real chance to defeat this darkness. Bloodstain, I know you would do the same. Everyone in my family would do it without thinking twice. Why should I be the one to reject this wonderful offer? I touched the orb and pushed my will into it. "Give me…another chance!" I'm coming, Mother. I'm coming, Dad.

* * *

 **Cearbhail:**

 _I know I normally don't do this, but I'm going to share something personal about me. When I first started writing, it was because I suffered from a lot of suicidal thoughts and whatnot. I joined the Army with the soul thought of dying in battle or something like that. And I had to deal with those thoughts every day or so ever since I was a child. I never told anyone about them; I knew it wasn't normal. So.. I had to find a way to channel those thoughts, escape them. Reading was my medium. Writing was my cure. I threw myself into creating new worlds, new people. I thought that... If I decided to kill myself, then at least I would leave something that was part of me on this world. A piece of my soul... like a horcrux... kind of.  
_

 _And as I started writing in Fanfiction... I did it for me. It was going to be my legacy. And as I did it, I found myself feeling better. And then... one day I received a message or a review. Someone who was dealing with suicidal thoughts found my Fanfiction... and they were saying how they always felt better after reading one of my newest chapters. And that's when this no longer became about me. I realized that my calling, whether it is or not, is to write to help those like me. So, I put everything into doing this. And I don't plan on stopping. I still deal with these crappy thoughts from time to time, but at least I haven't succumbed to my own fate. The Cecilie in this story was actually based off of me the whole time. The creation of Cecilie was my own reflection. A person doomed to their nightmares... nightly terrors, watching family and friends dying before her... and knowing that one day I'd give into my own darkness and give into the fate that awaited me. Changing Fates was always more than just a story for me. It was a goal._

 _Sorry for telling you all this. But... as you read these stories, keep it in mind that I'm not the only one that suffers. There are a lot of us, and it takes all of us to make this world worth living in._


End file.
